


The Art of Letting Go

by thenostalgicdreamer



Category: Austin & Ally
Genre: F/M, Gen, Goodbyes, Heartbreak, The Future, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 13:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenostalgicdreamer/pseuds/thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: Didi on Dez and Trish





	The Art of Letting Go

For E.N.  
Inspired by how courageously you've chosen to let go

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It’s a small thing really in the grand scheme of things—a little get together for a film project Dez has been aching to do for like forever. There’s Austin of course and some kid who’s playing the villain and Trish. Trish is playing the beast in this brainchild of Dez's—a genderbent Beauty and the Beast. That would be fine except lead actress has always been Didi’s job. 

She can’t remember when Dez first picked up a camera but maybe that’s because he was only seven and she five when that momentous occasion occurred. She should remember her parents chewing him out for using the parents only camera, but she doesn’t (fortunately that is because that sounds like hell on earth). She only knows that he and the camera are inseparable because there hasn’t passed a day where her dear, quirky brother hasn’t filmed or droned on about his latest project. 

It’s not that bad really. Dez’s thing is art and filmmaking just like hers is...she’s not really sure what. Although she might complain a little loudly, life wouldn’t be the same if he didn’t drag her into his film projects. Art isn’t just something he does; it’s something he is. Asking her to costar in his projects is letting her into his world in a way he does few others. So she can’t really begrudge the endless takes or ridiculous costumes because this is Dez and it wouldn’t really be him any other way. 

She’s more than a little ticked when Trish steals her spot as star actress. Didi has a role as genderbent Maurice of all things and supposes she ought to be grateful for that. But she’s not. After all the long years she has put up with Dez, he chooses to give a role she’d actually love to someone else. She has to sit there for all these stupid minutes biting her lip and pretending not to care. When Dez doesn’t notice, she figures she should earn an acting award. But Dez isn’t exactly observant, and Trish is very distracting. 

Perhaps if Trish hadn’t been such a diva, she wouldn’t have minded. But gosh, Didi is not really sure how Dez is putting up with it. Trish refuses to wear his beast costume because it would looks hideous (Didi agrees but when would that ever change Dez's mind?) Trish suggests a leopard print top with leggings, and he agrees. What the heck? Then she insists he paint her nails because she hasn’t had the time and she always has someone else paint her nails. Didi isn’t sure who in their right mind would ask clumsy Dez to paint their nails. But it doesn’t usually matter because he always says no. He doesn’t this time. Instead, he takes the bottle from her hands and gets to work. It’s a sloppy job Didi assumes from his screams and Trish's angry tone, but he finishes and gets back to work leaving Trish to lounge on the porch while her nails dry. It’s goes smoother after that, but that’s just by comparison. Trish has the nerve to demand breaks every twenty minutes because she’s darn tired, and Dez gives them to her without a second thought using the time to look over his equipment. Something about it all just feels off leaving Didi wondering what the heck is going on. 

Trish is no stranger. She’s been over more times than Didi can count—always to see Dez and try to beat him at Zaliens Brainsuck. It makes sense in a way, and Didi has never thought anything of it. Trish is the only girl Dez knows who likes zaliens and video games. Why shouldn’t he invite her over so they both indulge their savage side? And savage it is. Didi has learned to closet herself in her room music blaring whenever she sees Trish. You’d have to pay her to sit through Dez and Trish's petty arguments. But this feels different somehow like Trish is a girl and Dez is a guy, and she has been wrong to assume Trish is one of the guys all this time.

It totally makes sense. Trish is playing the oldest girl game in the book—hard to get. She’s pretending she hates him because it’s a perfect cover for endless adoration. And it works too. Even Didi didn’t have a clue until today, and she’s protective of Dez as heck. Maybe if she had actually payed more attention she would have known. She’s not sure.

All she knows is that Dez is aware that Trish is not serious. His smile is just too genuine, too close to turning into a laugh. He wouldn’t be laughing if her words were piecing his soul. He knows she’s not mad, but her words are still enough to turn the normally gentle Dez vicious. And he doesn’t ignore her instead choosing to engage and try to make her react. It’s a game Didi realizes—for two. 

With that thought, it ceases to be a cute story of girl-meets-boy. She’s hit with a gut punch as the realization hits her. She’s watching another girl take what she’s always had. Trish has stolen her spot at Dez's side, claiming his attention so completely Didi is quite sure she’ll never get back. 

She closes her eyes—she can’t watch anymore not when the future is flashing before her eyes. Dez is doing what he loves with Trish at his side, and she is watching from the shadows wondering what the heck she’s doing with her life. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes her a moment to come to her senses and realize what's going on. She’s never been a heavy sleeper, but she’s tired, and it’s definitely the middle of the night. She picks up her phone with a sigh eager to stop the endless vibrating. Dez is calling. She has to take this—going back to sleep is not an option. Knowing Dez, it’s probably not an emergency, but she can’t let him down. 

Not everyone has to take a middle of the night call from their brother, but not everyone has a brother like Dez. They have always been buddies. Dez has always believed that it is the best thing in life to have a little sister and has always treated her like she is worth his time. In return, she has always adored him. Sure, they have their differences and complain about them loudly at times, but they always love each other at the end of the day. They’re apart now and have been for two years, but it would take more than that to break their bond. She knows _she’ll_ never forget their pinky promise to be there when the other needs it. That’s honestly why she picks up the phone.

When she hears Dez's voice, she knows that this is no broken toothbrush. He’s clearly awake and from the sound of his voice has been for quite some time. Dez has always slept like a log so it must be something big to be keeping him up at this time of night. He’s at the end of his first statement before she’s finally able to start paying attention. It’s something about Trish....and Chuck? 

The panic in his voice helps her make the connection. Trish has been dating Chuck for a few weeks now, and Dez is sure it will ruin everything.

Didi hasn’t thought much about Trish these past few years. Maybe it’s because she’s been away at college, maybe because nothing has happened, and it doesn’t seem wrong to assume nothing ever will. Dez broke up with Carrie the year after graduation, and Didi would be lying if she said she didn’t see that coming. Carrie was nice—Didi liked her—but Dez was naive to think she’d ever make him happy. She loved him that was for sure and was genuinely happy to play the supportive girlfriend. But as much as she wanted to explore his world, she didn’t have a world of her own to drag him into and her answer to everything had only been yes. That was almost three years ago now. 

After the breakup, Didi had thought Dez and Trish would finally get together. Trish was single; the chemistry was still there. But they hadn’t. Didi still wasn’t sure why. All she could say was that nothing had changed. They continued their comfortable routine as assistant directors of the music factory—business partners if you will. Dez managed day-to-day operations and taught a few classes, while Trish made bigger decisions and kept the books. She traveled enough with her theatre company to keep her happy and presumably hung out with Dez whenever she was in town.

Everything had been perfect apparently until now. Dez is sure that Chuck is dating Trish to sabotage the music factory. He will steal her keys and plant a smoke bomb or get her to tell him all about the business side of things. This is just not going to be good.  
   
It doesn’t take Didi long at all to know that this is all ridiculous even to Dez. Sure, he has stupid moments, but she knows him too well to be fooled into thinking this is one of those. No, it's intentional, a smokescreen that allows him to express his pain without talking about his feelings. Chuck’s antics have left him angry, perhaps even aggressive at times but never heartbroken. They have never made him raw and emotional, so utterly insecure he doesn’t know how to explain it. No, this is something else entirely. It’s Trish—there’s no other plausible explanation at all.

As much as she’s ignored it and told herself Dez's feelings for Trish don’t exist anymore, that’s just not true. Didi knows Trish is his world. She’s the one who keeps him going whose confidence in him makes him believe he can be anything he dreams up. She’s the reason he’s still in Miami, Didi's sure of it. She might travel more than his liking, but she always returns to help him in business, try to beat him at video games, and generally brighten his life with her presence. Why he hasn’t made a move before now Didi has no idea, but there’s no doubt in her mind that Dez is in love. 

After the brief silence, Dez continues his voice quiet and on the verge of breaking. He’s worried Trish won’t have any time for the music factory and for him. And he still doesn’t trust Chuck. (That's fair because Chuck's record isn't doing him any favors. Who knows how many times he's been dating Sun-Hee now?) There’s no way Chuck won’t break Trish's heart. Dez doesn’t want to let her do it, but what can he do? They both know losing sleep over it at night isn’t going to help. 

Didi wants to comfort him; she really does. But with his words, her heart shatters, and it’s all she can do to start picking up the pieces. Dez has always been hopelessly protective of her balking at nothing that would spare her harm and heartbreak. But he let her date Chuck. Sure, he freaked out at first, but he still chose to accept it. At the time, she had called it love when he put her wishes above his own, but now she’s not so sure. It wasn’t love like this that’s for sure. He stopped fighting for her best interests, and now he won’t do that for Trish.   
   
She murmurs an I’m so sorry and expresses her confidence that he’ll be able to work it out—he always has after all. She wishes him a good night and hangs up sure she will be the one who can’t sleep this time. 

She has long taken comfort in his love, in knowing he’d always look after her and keep her safe. On paper, nothing has changed; she has no doubt he cares, but when it comes to Trish there’s no comparison. He loves Trish like he’s never loved her, and while that might be appropriate, it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

She’s never felt so alone in the world. Dez is gone. His heart belongs to Trish even if for the time being she won’t take it. Maybe she’s known this for a long time. Either way now it’s simply impossible for her to ignore. She’s always taken so much strength from knowing Dez is there for her, and it’s just not the same anymore and won’t be ever again. She hasn't found this kind of connection again in her twenty years of life. Who’s to say she ever will?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She wasn’t looking forward tonight honestly. It’s good to see all their old friends—the people she grew up with but no longer has time to see. Still, that can’t take away the meaning of the day. Dez is going away. She’s long anticipated it, and it’s belated honestly. Who would have thought that Miami could keep him and his talent for twenty-six years? But that doesn’t take away the sting of her best friend moving on to a new life without her with possibilities as endless as the sky. 

The party is starting to die down. All is quiet except for the early rock coming from the speakers and the quiet yet animated chatter of the few guests who remain. It’s the best time of the party at least as far as Didi is concerned. The awkwardness is over, but the excitement has not yet faded away. She wants to stay and savor the twilight of the party or maybe she just thinks that if she never leaves, the party will last forever, and Dez’s departure will never come.

But time isn’t on her side. Her shift starts in an hour, and she still needs to go home and change into her scrubs. She forces herself over to the food table where Dez is grabbing yet another snack. She knows she’ll see him again before he leaves, but that still doesn’t make her want to say goodbye. Stopping a few feet away, she spots Trish by his side laughing,  presumably at some joke he’s made. They’re both so happy, so comfortable—she thinks the proper term is lost in their own world—that she can’t bring herself to interrupt. 

Like she’s known since the sticky July day of the Beauty and the Beast shoot, Trish and Dez were always meant to be. Trish just brings out the best in him. She calms him like Didi has never been able to and helps him keep his feet firmly on the ground. But she still believes in his dreams with more conviction perhaps than he does insisting that he can’t let them just be dreams. That is partially why he’s finally moving to LA for film school. Didi has often heard her tell him his talent shouldn’t be wasted.

And he loves her. Didi’s sure it was love at first sight even though he’s never used those words. He still looks at her like she’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen because to him she is. She’s the living incarnation of the fairytale princess of his boyhood dreams. Didi wonders if he sometimes doubts she’s real. She does. Well, maybe not that Trish is real, but certainly that some girl so perfect for Dez would exist. 

Their story is far from perfect, Didi knows that. They’ve broken each other’s hearts trying dating someone else, and the years of waiting have been long for Dez especially. But he’s always believed in destiny, and his confidence has never wavered. His patience found its reward when he finally asked her to date him the first day he knew she’d say yes. Now, here they are—Trish with his ring on her finger ready to join him in LA when her contact with the theater company is up. 

Just at that moment, Dez catches sight of her and moves toward her breaking her out of her nostalgia trip. His greeting of "hey kiddo" is enough to make her ready to burst into tears. She hated that nickname with passion as a kid (he wasn’t old enough to call her a kid she always insisted), but now there’s nothing she wouldn’t trade for just a little longer as Dez’s kid sister. But what choice does she have? Time is marching on and so must she. She manages to explain that she has to go, but that’s all she can say without breaking into an ugly cry. Next thing she knows she is pulled into a Dez hug. She has always thought his hugs were magical not knowing how his bony limbs can express the warmth that is in his heart. She soaks up that warmth and tries not to think about how many more of these are left before he leaves. She can’t dwell on that, or she’ll fall apart right here. 

He explains that it’s not goodbye, and she knows he’s right. He’ll be home for Christmas, and she’ll make it out to LA to visit. But it’s not going to be this. Maybe _this_ is nebulous. Even if she can’t quite explain it, whatever it is is gone, and she’ll never have it back. As much as she hates herself for it, that thought makes it impossible for her to hold back the tears. She should be happy for him—this is the best or maybe the second best thing that’s ever happened to him. But she’s not. She can’t get out of her bubble and stop thinking about Dez in LA becoming a famous director and her here keeping everyone alive with not even a thank you in return. It’s always been this way. He’s shined, while she’s quietly done her thing. The future will just bring more of that, and she will have to survive it all without Dez. She’s just her, and by herself she’s not sure she's enough. 

He rubs her back telling her it’s all going to be okay. The, he says something about the future being bright. She wants to shoot back a “not for me” but doesn’t because she knows nothing she could say would ever change his mind. Even when he was sure he had lost Trish to Chuck for good, he had held on to the idea of a bright future. Maybe Trish wouldn’t be in his future, but that couldn’t keep it from being good. Didi hadn’t understood that. He loved Trish. How could he be happy without her?

Maybe that’s the difference between them. Maybe she’s been too caught up in watching him shine that she’s missed where he’s looking. Even now, his future is a lot of question marks. Sure, he’s finally signed up for film school, but his new apartment is shabby, and he’s going to be across the country from Trish until her contract is up. And all those sacrifices don’t guarantee him anything. They both know there’s going to be closed doors and disappointments before he becomes a famous director assuming it even happens. But he’s smiling to face all that and leave home behind because he believes in possibilities and knows this is where he’s supposed to be. 

Couldn’t she see her life the same way? She’s only twenty-four after all. Her job is fulfilling even if somewhat thankless, and it pays the bills. She’s got friends who love her and the world’s best big brother. Maybe she hasn’t found her soulmate, but she’s got all the time in the world. Kiddo—she needs to look at herself like a kid with the kind of possibilities in front of her that would make Dez’s eyes sparkle. 

She finds herself smiling through the tears as she tells him she has to get going. He lets go with an “I’ll miss you”, and she returns it careful not to look him in the eye. She knows that would be too much. She walks away sneaking a glance over him before he's out of sight. He’s back to Trish of course--where he's always belonged. She knows it’s time to let go and release her final grip on him. He needs to fly free like the birds he always talked about, and she needs to learn what it’s like to take hold of possibilities and not let go until they become her reality. She may not want to do this, but deep inside she knows she’s ready. “Here I go,” she tells herself. A world of possibilities awaits.


End file.
